TRAVELOGUE. 2/2.
HERE IS THE GOOD PART OF OUR TRAVELOGUE. WE HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS WE DID.


07/17/2006. MEAT SOUP TOWN.

MEAT SOUP. WHY ARE ALL OF THESE FAT PEOPLE EATING SO MUCH MEAT SOUP. THERE ARE A LOT OF AMERICAN FLAGS HERE. WE WANT TO GO HOME. OTTO. WHEN DO WE GET TO GO HOME.

WE ARE CONCERNED FOR OTTO'S DIGESTION. CORRECTION: WE ARE EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN OTTO STARTS DIGESTING ALL OF THIS MEAT SOUP.


07/21/2006. COW LAND MULLET PLACE.

RESULTS OF CHILI DIGESTION DISAPPOINTING. PERHAPS OUR CONSTANT FORCE-FEEDING OF INEDIBLE SUBSTANCES HAS STRENGTHENED OTTO'S GASTROINTESTINAL CONSTITUTION. WHAT HAVE WE DONE.

OH BOY TIME TO GO HOME WHERE THE TELEVISION LIVES.


07/22/2006. .5 MILES EAST OF FRANCIS E. WARREN AIR FORCE BASE.

ACCORDING TO OUR RADIO SCANNERS UP 39827 IS BEING SET ASIDE INDEFINITELY ON 4 RAIL. DON'T TELL OTTO BECAUSE HE WILL PROBABLY BLAME US. PLUS ALSO FOR LOLS.


07/23/2006. OFF OF INTERSTATE 25.

IS BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN NEAR HERE. HARRY IS TOTALLY GAY FOR THAT MOVIE. AND JAKE GYLLENHAAL. MOSTLY JAKE GYLLENHAAL.

OTTO AND THE COOL MEXICAN DUDES PLUS THE HOBO WITH THE NECKBEARD MADE LOUD MUSIC TODAY. WE HELPED BUT NOT TOO MUCH BECAUSE THE PEOPLE IN THE HOUSES NEXT DOOR MIGHT HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SLEEP. OTTO TELLS US THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO ALWAYS BE POLITE. LATER THEY STOPPED MAKING MUSIC AND MAINLY STARTED CRYING A LOT SO WE PUNCHED A HOLE IN THE ROOF AND WENT OUTSIDE AND PLAYED WITH A DOG THAT WE FOUND.


07/25/2006. LATITUDE: 41.09936. LONGITUDE: -104.85241.

THESE MEXICAN GUYS ARE PRETTY TALKY. JESUS WAS A PAINTER WHO LIVED OUTSIDE OF HERMOSILLO. HE PAINTED A MURAL ON THE SIDE OF A CATHEDRAL OF SOME CHICK NAMED MARY ASCENDING OVER A BRILLIANT HORIZON AT THE BREAK OF DAWN. HE SAYS THAT HIS ABUELITA SAW THIS VISION MANY YEARS AGO WHEN SHE WAS STRICKEN WITH TUBERCULOSIS AS A YOUNG GIRL. WHEN SHE WOKE UP, HER FEVER HAD BROKEN AND TWO WEEKS LATER SHE WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO HELP HER FAMILY WITH THE HARVEST. JESUS CROSSED THE DESERT INTO ARIZONA ON FOOT TO FIND WORK AFTER THE LOCAL ECONOMY SUFFERED A DEEP RECESSION CAUSED BY THE UNFORTUNATE CONFLUENCE OF CROP-KILLING DROUGHT AND THE ERECTION OF A FACTORY RUN BY WAL-MART. JESUS WORKED ON THE PRODUCTION LINE FOR 18 MONTHS POPPING THE LITTLE METAL AXLES INTO HOT WHEELS CARS BEFORE HE WAS FIRED FOR TRYING TO START A UNION AFTER TWO MEN COLLAPSED ON THE LINE AT THE END OF A SIXTEEN-HOUR WORKDAY. HE IS HOPING TO MAKE IT TO IOWA TO CATCH THE LAST CROP OF THE YEAR SO HE CAN SEND MONEY HOME TO HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTER. HIS DAUGHTER TURNS SIX IN A WEEK AND HE WANTS TO SEND HER A DORA THE EXPLORER BACKPACK AND A CHILDREN'S BIBLE TO HELP HER LEARN TO READ.

CERRITO STUDIED MEDICINE AT UNIVERSIDAD DE SAN CARLOS DE GUATEMALA BUT DROPPED OUT BEFORE RECEIVING HIS MEDICAL LICENSE DUE TO A LACK OF FUNDS. HE SETTLED IN JALISCO AND PRACTICED UNLICENSED HUMAN AND VETERINARY MEDICINE IN A SMALL FISHING VILLAGE THERE. HE WISHES HE COULD HAVE FINISHED HIS MEDICAL DEGREE BUT HE SAYS THAT THE NEED IN HIS COMMUNITY WAS SO GREAT THAT HE COULD NOT CONSCIONABLY KEEP HIS ABILITIES TO HIMSELF DESPITE HIS LACK OF LICENSE. HE WOULD TRAVEL AS MUCH AS 75 MILES IN HIS BROTHER-IN-LAW'S PICKUP TRUCK OVER UNPAVED ROADS TO BIRTH CALVES OR AMPUTATE GANGRENOUS LEGS. HE CHARGED WHAT HIS PATIENTS COULD PAY, AND IF THEY COULD PAY NOTHING THEN NOTHING WAS HIS FEE. HE CAME TO THE UNITED STATES THREE WEEKS AGO AFTER THE DEATH OF HIS MOTHER IN HOPES OF FINISHING HIS EDUCATION AND EARNING CITIZENSHIP. HE THINKS THAT THE ENGLISH CLASSES HE TOOK AT UNIVERSITY WILL HELP HIM FIND A JOB THAT PAYS BETTER THAN DAY LABOR. HE IS HEADED FOR NEW YORK CITY LIKE US BUT HE MIGHT STOP AND STAY WITH HIS COUSIN LUPE IN OHIO AND PRACTICE HIS ENGLISH.

PIG BUTLER JUST FREAKS US THE FUCK OUT.

07/27/2006. BEHIND THE MCDONALD'S AND THE KLASSIC KLEANERS ON COLLEGE DRIVE.

OTTO FINALLY GOT AROUND TO LEARNING EVERYONE'S NAME TODAY. HE DOESN'T SEEM TO MIND PIG BUTLER'S NECKBEARD AND URINE STENCH AND FACIAL TICS BECAUSE HE TALKED TO HIM A BUNCH. PROBABLY HE IS JUST RACIST AGAINST MEXICANS.


07/28/2006.

OTTO THINKS WE ARE GOING TO BE RESCUED. HE MADE EVERYONE EAT MEAT SOUP AND JESUS AND CERRITO MADE FUN OF HIM A LITTLE BIT FOR CALLING IT 'SPICY CAL-AY-EN-TEE' BUT MOSTLY THEY WERE GRATEFUL AND PRAYED TO SOME OTHER DUDE NAME JESUS A LOT. PIG BUTLER'S NAILS ARE OVER SEVEN CENTIMETERS LONG. WE MEASURED WHEN HE WAS SLEEPING. LATER WE GOT BORED AND HUNG OUT AT THE MCDONALD'S NEXT DOOR. MO PLAYED IN THE PLAY PLACE AND FLO AND HARRY FIXED THE CASH REGISTER SO WE ALL GOT FREE MILKSHAKES IN EXCHANGE. THE EMPLOYEES THERE ARE NAMED SYLVIA, PETE, MAURISIO, ALONDRA, AND KAYLEE. WE LIKE THEM.


07/29/2006.

WE WENT THROUGH THE DRIVE-THROUGH THIS MORNING FOR MCGRIDDLES AND THEY GAVE US SODA FOR FREE. WHEN WE BROUGHT IT INSIDE TO EAT WE THOUGHT EVERYONE WAS STILL SLEEPING BUT AFTER WE UNWRAPPED OUR MCGRIDDLES CERRITO JUMPED UP AND STARTED TO POINT AND YELL SO WE HAD TO MAKE HIM GO AWAY. JESUS WOKE UP WILE WE WERE FIXING IT BUT HE WAS SMART ENOUGH TO BE QUIET. MAYBE HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE DOCTOR. WE WONDER IF IT IS 39 CENT CHEESEBURGER DAY YET.


08/01/2006.

WE COULD NO LONGER ALLOW A NECKBEARD SO PROFOUND TO LIVE. PLUS HE WAS GIVING OTTO IDEAS ABOUT DRINKING HIS OWN MICTURATED FLUIDS AND THAT IS JUST GROSS. WE PUT HIM IN THE DUMPSTER BEHIND MCDONALD'S AND SYLVIA SAW HIM WHEN SHE TOOK OUT THE TRASH. SHE JUST SHOOK HER HEAD AND SAID 'CHRIST, NOT AGAIN' AND WENT BACK INSIDE. IT MUST BE PRETTY FUN TO WORK AT MCDONALD'S.


08/02/2006.

WE WERE BORED SO WE PLAYED WITH JESUS AND WHEN WE WERE DONE HE LOOKED LIKE OTTO'S MEAT SOUP. WE PUT MOST OF HIM IN THE DUMPSTER BEHIND KLASSIC KLEANERS. THEY NEVER SEEM TO TAKE THEIR TRASH OUT SO IT IS PROBABLY OKAY TO PUT THINGS THERE. WE SAVED SOME OF THE SOFT PARTS FOR OTTO BECAUSE HE RAN OUT OF THE OTHER KIND OF MEAT SOUP AND HAS BEEN SUCKING THE SALT OFF HIS FINGERS LIKE SOME KIND OF FAT RETARDED FAT RETARD. LOL, HUMANS.


08/03/2006.

WHY WON'T OTTO STOP CRYING.


08/04/2006.

WHY WON'T OTTO STOP TALKING TO HIMSELF. WE TRIED TO TALK TO HIM BUT HIS EYES ARE EACH LOOKING IN A DIFFERENT PLACE. IS HE BROKEN. WE DO NOT NOW HOW TO FIX HUMANS, JUST CASH REGISTERS AND OTHER COOL STUFF. WE ARE GOING TO GO HANG OUT AT MCDONALD'S. MAYBE THEY WILL GIVE US HAPPY MEAL TOYS.


08/05/2006.

WE TRIED TO CHEER OTTO UP TODAY. WE REMEMBERED THAT HUMANS LIKE OXYGEN AND PROTEIN SO WE LIFTED HIM UP TO OUR MCDONALD'S-HOLE AND GAVE HIM SOME LEFTOVER JESUS. HE STOPPED TALKING TO HIMSELF WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE WE WERE TIRED OF GOING OVER TO THE RESTAURANT TO POWER DOWN FOR THE NIGHT. THEIR BOOTHS ARE STICKY AND SMELL LIKE SPRITE AND FLATUS.


08/07/2006

TWENTY CHICKEN MCNUGGETS FOR THREE NINETY-NINE IS A GREAT DEAL.


08/09/2006.

OKAY IT IS GETTING LAME AROUND HERE. WE HAVE STARTED HELPING OUT AT MCDONALD'S IN EXCHANGE FOR THE CONTENTS OF THE TIP JAR. WE HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN ANYONE TIP A MCDONALD'S EMPLOYEE SO WE SUSPECT SYLVIA AND MAURISIO ARE SLIPPING A FEW DOLLARS OUT OF THE REGISTER AT CLOSING TIME AND PUTTING THEM IN FOR US. WHATEVER. WE GOT OUR PROCESSORS ON OUR MONEY AND OUR MONEY ON OUR PROCESSORS.


08/11/2006.

WE PUT SOME BURGERS INTO OTTO TODAY BECAUSE HE IS GETTING WEIRD AND SAD. USUALLY THINGS LIKE BURGERS MAKE HIM HAPPY AND MAKE HIM SING THE SONG THAT GOES 'PIZZA HUT/PIZZA HUT/KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN AND A PIZZA HUT/ MCDOOOOOONALD'S/MCDOOOOOONALD'S' UNTIL WE MAKE HIM STOP BUT TODAY HE JUST ACTED CONFUSED AND THEN PASSED OUT WITH MAYONNAISE AROUND HIS MOUTH. SO WE GAVE UP AND WENT TO REARRANGE THE PLAY PLACE.


08/12/2006.

TODAY CORPORATE SENT US APRONS AND HATS WITH OUR NAMES ON THEM. ALONDRA TIED THE APRONS ON FOR US AND FLO TORE HER HAT INTO LITTLE PIECES BY ACCIDENT. MO DID NOT GET ANY. SHE IS TOO RETARDED FOR THE FAST-PACED CORPORATE WORLD. WE LEAVE HER IN THE PLAY PLACE TO HANG OUT WITH THE CHILDREN WHILE WE TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS.


08/14/2006.

AFTER WORK WE WENT OVER TO MAURISIO'S APARTMENT TO PLAY TEKKEN AND EAT LUCKY CHARMS. WE THINK MAURISIO SHOULD TEACH OTTO HOW TO BE A HUMAN. HE HAS A POSTER OF VIN DIESEL ON HIS WALL AND VIN DIESEL IS HOLDING A BIG GUN. ALSO HE PUTS CHOCOLATE MILK ON HIS CEREAL AND WE THINK THAT IS NEAT.


08/16/2006.

OUR FIRST PAYCHECKS CAME YESTERDAY AND KAYLEE AND PETE WENT WITH US TO WELLS FARGO TO SET UP CHECKING ACCOUNTS. WE GOT THE STUDENT SAVER ACCOUNTS WITH NO MINIMUM BALANCE AND FREE OVERDRAFT PROTECTION. SYLVIA SAID THAT WAS A GOOD DEAL. IN SIX MONTHS WE GET A 401K AND PLAN TO GO 75% STOCKS, 25% BONDS. ACCORDING TO PETE THIS WILL RETURN BETTER LONG-TERM YIELDS. HOPEFULLY WE CAN RENT A LITTLE APARTMENT AROUND HERE SOON. MAYBE WE CAN HAVE A POTTED PLANT AND A FISH THAT IS NOT PRACTICE.


08/17/2006.

OTTO. OTTO. SHUT UP ABOUT ROSIE. OTTO. SHUT UP ABOUT ROSIE OTTO. ROSIE IS DEAD. HAVE SOME MORE BURGERS.


08/19/2006.

WE WENT SHOPPING AT THE STRIP MALL ACROSS THE STREET TODAY WITH KAYLEE AND ALONDRA AND WHILE THEY WERE IN LANE BRYANT WE WENT AND GOT OURSELVES THE IPODS WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO MAKE OTTO BUY FOR US. ALONDRA LET US DOWNLOAD SOME ROCKING FOREIGNER TUNES OFF HER COMPUTER. THANKS ALONDRA.


07/20/2006.

WE MUST HAVE PUT TOO MANY CHICKEN MCNUGGETS INTO OTTO TODAY BECAUSE THEY STARTED TO SPILL OUT OF HIS MOUTH HOLE. HE WAS CONFUSED AND MAD. THIS IS MORE LIKE THE OTTO WE KNOW.


08/23/2006.

THE VACATION ENDED TODAY. MEN CAME TO OPEN THE BOX CAR AND PUT SOME FUTURE MEAT INSIDE. WE WERE GOING TO GO OVER TO WORK TO PUT IN OUR RESIGNATIONS BUT THEN WE REMEMBERED THAT WE WORK AT MCDONALD'S SO WE JUST PLAYED WITH THE BOXCAR INSTEAD UNTIL THERE WASN'T ANYTHING LEFT TO PLAY WITH. WE WILL MISS SYLVIA AND PETE AND ALONDRA AND KAYLE AND MAURISIO, BUT NOT THAT MUCH.


08/24/2006.

WE FELT BAD ABOUT MAKING EXTRUDED CHICKEN MEAT COME OUT OF OTTO'S MOUTH HOLE SO WE WENT TO A YARD SALE AND BOUGHT HIM A BITCHIN' RIDE TO TAKE US HOME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO ALWAYS BE POLITE. HE HAS GOTTEN EVEN FATTER FROM LAYING AROUND ALL DAY WHILE WE BUSTED OUR GRASPERS WORKING FOR THE MAN SO WE THOUGHT HE COULD USE SOME EXERCISE. EXERCISE BUILDS CHARACTER.


08/26/2006.

WE GUESS OTTO DIDN'T WANT ANY CHARACTER SO WE WENT AND TRADED IN OUR WHEELS FOR A BETTER MODEL. IT ACHIEVES SPEEDS OF UP TO SEVEN MILES PER HOUR AND USUALLY SHAKES VIOLENTLY WHEN OTTO IS INSIDE IT. WE TOLD HIM WE HAD FUN ON OUR VACATION AND ASKED WHEN WE COULD GO AGAIN BUT HE JUST STARTED CRYING AND YELLING AS HE DROVE HIS GAY LITTLE CAR SO WE JUST LISTENED TO OUR NEW IPODS AND LOOKED AROUND UNTIL WE GOT HOME THREE WEEKS LATER.