TRAVELOGUE. 1/2.
WHAT IT IS OUR NIGGAS. WE HAD FUN ON OUR SUMMER VACATION. OTTO MADE US GO TWO THOUSAND MILES TO TASTE 67 DISTINCT VARIETIES OF SPICY BEEF-BASED SOUP AND TALK TO ELDERLY WOMEN ABOUT NEEDLECRAFT. HE ALSO MADE US KEEP THIS GAY DIARY ABOUT IT FOR POSTERITY. WE TRIED TO REMIND HIM THAT OUR INTERNAL HARD DRIVES ACCOMMODATE UPWARDS OF 6 EXABYTES OF MEMORY STORAGE BUT THE SENILE OLD FAT STUPID FAT RETARD MADE US DO IT ANYWAY.

HERE IS PART ONE OF TWO.


06/17/2006. NEW YORK CITY.

BEFORE WE LEFT LARRY TOLD OUR BEST FRIEND AT PIER 54 TO MEET US ON THE WESTBOUND TRAIN. OTTO REFUSES TO BUY US AN IPOD AND THAT ROCKFORD FOSGATE POWER SERIES SPEAKER AND SUBWOOFER SET THAT LARRY WANTS SO WE REQUIRED MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT. ABBA SUCKS BUT WE PREFER IT TO OTTO'S RENDITION OF "ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE." WE THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE ONLY SONG HE KNOWS.


06/18/2006. DETROIT ROCK CITY.

WHERE ALL THE WHITE WOMEN AT. OTTO THINKS THIS IS THE WINDY CITY. NOBODY TELL HIM. SERIOUSLY. DON'T TELL HIM. HARRY, POWER MO DOWN FOR A BIT. AWESOME.

IS EMINEM FROM HERE. WE DEMAND EMINEM. WHEN YOU SEE US ON THE BLOCK WITH OUR TWO GLOCKS SCREAMING "FUCK THE WORLD!" LIKE TUPAC WE JUST DON'T GIVE A FUUUUUCK.

ALSO WE DEMAND MEG WHITE. JACK WHITE CAN WAIT OUTSIDE UNTIL WE ARE FINISHED WITH HER.


06/19/2006. CHICAGO.

WE MET A NEW BEST FRIEND. HIS NAME IS ROBERT 'SNOOPY' BEAUCLAIRE AND HE IS AN ENTREPRENEUR. HE NEEDED A FEW HUNDRED DOLLARS AND OTTO'S KEYS AND SHOES AND DRIVER'S LICENSE TO GET HIS MOBILE GYNECOLOGICAL PRACTICE OUT OF IMPOUND, SO WE SAID OKAY.


6/23/2006. ST. LOUIS.

ST. LOUIS HAS AN AWESOME SLIDE. WE SLID ALMOST ALL DAY. WHEN WE WERE DONE THE POLICE WERE THERE SO WE MOVED OUT OF THE WAY SO THAT THEY COULD SLIDE. OTTO TELLS US IT IS IMPORTANT TO ALWAYS BE POLITE. WHEN THEY COULD NOT GET TO THE TOP WE PICKED UP THEIR CARS AND HELPED. OTTO WAS STILL MAD FOR SOME REASON. HYPOCRITE.


6/28/2006. AMARILLO.

WE HEARD THAT WE WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO MESS WITH TEXAS BUT WE MESSED WITH TEXAS AND NOTHING HAPPENED. EVERYBODY GO MESS WITH TEXAS. IT IS TOTALLY SAFE.


6/30/2006. DENVER.

WHERE IS CARTMAN. WE LOVE CARTMAN. GIVE US CARTMAN. WHY IS OTTO CRYING.


07/04/2006. TORONTO.

OTTO GOT LOST AND NOW WE ARE IN CANADA. DATABASE ENTRY ON CANADA INDICATES THAT WE SHOULD LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. OTTO IS MAKING US LOITER OUTSIDE DISCOTHEQUES AND IN PLAYGROUNDS FOR HOURS AT A TIME. HE KEEPS MUTTERING TO HIMSELF. EVERY TIME HE SEES A PERSON IN CHUCK TAYLORS OR A KNIT BEANIE HE WALKS UP AND STARTS TALKING ABOUT 'GRASS' AND 'SPLIFF.' WE THINK HE MEANS CHRONIC. THE CANADIANS DO NOT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND EITHER.


07/07/2006. SACRAMENTO.

WHY DID WE HAVE TO GO TO THE BORING PART OF CALIFORNIA. THERE ARE RIVERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET HERE. WE WANTED TO PLAY IN THEM BUT OTTO SAID NO. WHEN WE GOT FINISHED PLAYING THE NEXT DAY HE WAS MAD. AND WET. BUT MOSTLY MAD. THERE WERE ALSO A LOT OF SHIPS WAITING BEHIND US. THE POLICE WERE MAD TOO.


7/09/2006. BORING BROWN PLACE.

OTTO SAYS WE HAVE TO WALK NOW. HE SAYS IT BUILDS CHARACTER. WE TRIED TO REMIND HIM THAT HE ALREADY PROGRAMMED OUR PERSONALITY DRIVES AND ANY CHANGES MUST BE ENTERED MANUALLY THROUGH OUR SETUP INTERFACE. THE LAME GAY FAT OILY FAT LAZY FAT NERD WOULD NOT LISTEN. SO WE TUCKED UP ONTO HIS BACK AND LET HIM HAVE ALL OF THE CHARACTER. OTTO TELLS US IT IS IMPORTANT TO ALWAYS BE POLITE.